How to Plan Your Own Funeral: A Step-by-Step Guide and Wishes Form

To plan your own funeral, make eight choices and write them on one page. Burial or cremation. A service or not. Where. Who leads it. Music and readings. Flowers or donations. A budget. And who will make the final decisions. Then give copies to the people who will need them. Do not leave the only copy in your will. A will "often is not found or read until after the funeral," the US Federal Trade Commission warns (FTC).

That is the whole job. It can take an afternoon. This guide walks through each step, shows what a good wishes page contains, and explains the legal points in the US and UK. Facts were checked on 2 November 2026.

Why plan your own funeral at all?

Because someone will have to plan it. If you do not, they will do it in a few days, while grieving, and guessing.

The guessing is common. In SunLife's 2026 UK survey, 53% of people who had arranged a funeral did not know whether their loved one wanted burial or cremation (SunLife). That is the most basic choice of all. More than half had to guess it.

Think about what that means. A daughter stands in a funeral home. She is asked, "Burial or cremation?" She does not know. Her brother thinks one thing, her aunt another. Nobody wants to be the one who chose wrong.

Now imagine she has a page in your handwriting. "Cremation, please. A short service. Play this song. Keep it simple." The decision is already made. She can spend the week grieving, not arguing.

Death is part of every life. Planning for it is not gloomy. It is a gift to the people you love, and often a relief to you too.

Plan, or plan and pay?

These are two different things. The FTC says you "may wish to make decisions about your arrangements in advance, but not pay for them in advance" (FTC). This guide is about the decisions. If you are thinking of paying ahead too, read are prepaid funeral plans worth it? (US) or UK funeral plans compared.

What are the 8 steps to plan your own funeral?

Take them in this order. Each one makes the next easier.

Step 1: Burial, cremation or something else?

This choice shapes the cost, the timing and the place. Cremation is now the most common choice in the US and the UK. The NFDA projects a US cremation rate of 63.4% for 2025 (NFDA).

You may have other options, such as natural burial, water cremation or human composting, depending on where you live. Our pages on cremation vs burial cost and green burial, water cremation and human composting compare them. If your faith has rules, start there.

Step 2: What kind of farewell?

Pick the closest:

• A full funeral with the body present, then burial or cremation.
• A simple service at a crematorium or graveside.
• A direct cremation or direct burial, with no service, and a memorial later. See direct cremation costs.
• A celebration of life, at home, outdoors or in a favourite place.

There is no right answer. Ask yourself: what would comfort the people left behind?

Step 3: Where?

A place of worship, a funeral home, a crematorium chapel, a graveside, a garden, a pub, a beach café. Note one first choice and one backup.

Step 4: Who leads it, and who speaks?

A faith leader, a celebrant, a funeral director or a family member. Name anyone you would like to speak, and anyone you would rather did not have to.

Step 5: Music, readings and small touches

This is where your personality comes through. Write down:

• songs for the start and the end;
• a poem, prayer or reading;
• what you would like to wear;
• flowers, or a charity for donations instead;
• photos to show, and an object to place nearby.

Step 6: What happens afterwards?

For a burial, where. For cremation, what happens to the ashes: buried, kept, scattered or shared. If you want them scattered somewhere, write down the place and check permission. Also note any gathering after the service, and whether you want one at all.

Step 7: Set a budget

A rough number is enough. It stops your family from overspending out of guilt. The FTC says it plainly: "It's not necessary to have the fanciest casket or the most elaborate funeral to properly honor a loved one" (FTC).

For typical prices, see how much a funeral costs, line by line, or try our free funeral cost estimator. Also note how it will be paid: savings, insurance or a prepaid plan, and where the papers are.

Step 8: Who decides?

Name one person to make the final decisions, and a backup. Tell them. Make sure the rest of the family knows it is their call. This single step prevents many family arguments.

What does a funeral wishes page look like?

Here is the shape of a good one. Use it as a checklist, in your own words.

Section	Example of what to write
My choice	"Cremation."
Funeral home	"Any, but get two price lists first." Or a name and phone number.
Type of farewell	"A short service, then a lunch."
Place	"St Mary's church hall. Backup: the garden at home."
Who leads it	"Our celebrant, if available. My sister may want to speak."
Music	"In: a favourite hymn. Out: an upbeat song that makes people smile."
Readings	"A short poem. No long eulogies."
Clothes	"My blue jacket. No suit."
Flowers or donations	"Wildflowers only. Donations to the local hospice."
The ashes or grave	"Scatter half at the coast. Keep half for the family."
Budget	"No more than about [amount]. Simple is fine."
How it is paid	"Savings account at [bank]. Policy papers in the blue folder."
Who decides	"My son. If he can't, my sister."
What I do not want	"No embalming. No limousines."

Two lines on that list matter more than they look. "What I do not want" protects your family from sales pressure. And "who decides" protects them from each other.

Date and sign the page. If you change it, date the new version.

Are funeral wishes legally binding?

Mostly not, so clear wishes and a trusted decision-maker matter even more. This is general information, not legal advice. Rules differ by country and state.

United States

Each state has its own rules on who controls a funeral. Some let you appoint a person in advance. New York's form is called an "Appointment of an Agent to Control Disposition," and it "takes priority to all other claims to make your arrangements" (NY Department of Health). Ask a local lawyer or your state's health department what your state allows.

Under the FTC Funeral Rule, you can also choose only the goods and services you want, whether you arrange things at the time of death or in advance (FTC).

England and Wales

The law does not yet make funeral wishes binding. In March 2026, the Law Commission started a project that "looks at whether decisions you make about your body after death should be binding" (Law Commission, 2026). So your executor or family will still make the final choices. Choose people you trust, and tell them your wishes.

Scotland, Northern Ireland, Canada and Australia

Rules differ again. In each place, the same advice holds. Write it down, name your decision-maker, and make sure they have a copy.

Where should you keep your funeral wishes?

Somewhere your family can reach in a hurry, perhaps on a weekend or holiday. The FTC gives three tips (FTC):

• give copies to family members and your attorney;
• keep a copy "in a handy place";
• do not keep the only copy in a safe deposit box, because your family may need it "before the box can be opened."

A simple plan:

1. Keep the original in a clearly labelled folder at home.
2. Give a copy to your decision-maker and your executor.
3. Take a photo and store it where your family can find it.
4. Tell your doctor or care home, if you live in one, who to call.

Review it every few years, as the FTC suggests, or after any big life change.

How do you talk to your family about it?

Many people find this harder than writing the page. Try a light start: "I've written down what I'd like for my funeral. Can I show you, so you never have to guess?" Most families are relieved.

Our guide on how to talk to your family about end-of-life wishes has more ideas for starting the talk.

When the time comes, your family will still need to choose a funeral home. Leave them our list of questions to ask a funeral home, and our guide to funeral home price tricks.

What is one step you can take today?

Take one sheet of paper. Write three lines: burial or cremation, the kind of farewell, and who decides. Sign and date it. Tell that person where it is.

That is enough to spare your family the hardest guess. You can add the music and readings next week.

Would you like a printed page to fill in? The Library's Funeral & Memorial Planning worksheet has space for your funeral choices. It also has a cost table to compare quotes.